'She's so mean, he's really lazy, have you heard that she's going to drop out of college?'
We all do it, gossip. We judge people. All though judging others is a way of surviving, I think we could do with less gossip and judgement. I'll tell you why in the rest of the blog.
As humans, we are group animals. We tend to stick to what we know. What we don't know, or what is out of the ordinary to us, we can see as a threat. That is how evolution works. You can trust that what you know, because it keeps you safe. With that comes judgement. We, as humans, have been programmed to judge other species of people, situations and surroundings in order to survive. It is crucial that we judge in some situations. When you are in an unsafe place, keep judging. When you are surrounded by seriously dangerous people, keep judging.
Judging is also normal, we will always judge. But what you can do, is examine your judgement. I will explain this later in the blog.
All though judging is a defense mechanism that has helped us survive, nowadays judging is used to make ourselves feel better. When we judge others, we confirm to ourselves that we are okay. When we gossip about someone, we are both confirming with the person that we label as 'one of our own' that we are on the same page as we are patting ourselves on the back for doing a good job, because we're not doing what that person's doing.
But judging someone can be harmful and you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to be open towards something new. I'm going to give you 8 reasons why you shouldn't judge.
1. You know what it feels like
We've all had moments in which we knew and felt that we were being judged. I can remember a moment at one of my first jobs in which I heard one of my colleagues saying my name and having her and another colleague stare at me. When I asked what was wrong, they said 'No nothing'. It feels like shit when this happens to you. So why do that to someone else?
2. It lowers your vibration
Every time we say something, we send out a vibration. Harmful things vibrate lower and can cause a lot of damage: going from bad moods to depressions. So even if the person you are talking about can't hear you, you are lowering your vibe just because you feel like making yourself feel better. That's just not worth your time on this planet! You deserve to live a happy life, don't lower your vibe that way.
3. It's a waste of time
You only get a certain amount of time on this planet. Do you really want to be spending your time on wasteful things just as gossiping? I can think of way better things to do in that time and talk about with your friends than of saying harmful things about other people. Instead, go and compliment your friend or focus on positive aspects of life. It's just a better use of time.
4. Don't judge a book by it's cover
We've all had encounters with people over whom we straight away have an opinion. Very often we tend to stick to that opinion and not be open towards someone just because we thought something about that person.
Try to stay open, you never know if you might actually have fun with that person later on the road, you might even have a good connection! This doesn't mean you have to be friends with everybody but it makes life so much easier when you can just let each other be.
5. Don't sweat the little things
We often tend to overthink certain encounters with people, we found something our colleague said annoying or your friend made a blunt comment. Don't overthink it, it is such a waste of time to be judging people over the small stuff that happened. It's probably not a real problem, especially not if you don't make it one. If you don't focus your attention on the small things, you have more space for the people who need it, for the important things, life will be more valuable.
6. Because most spiritual leaders said so
It doesn't matter if you're religious, spiritual or atheïst, I think we can all agree that most spiritual leaders have lead the world with compassion. Jesus, the buddha and many others have said that it's important to care for one another. Mother Teresa famously said: "If you judge people, you have no time to love them". How beautiful is that? We all come from the same source, from love. If you focus on judging people, distancing them from you, you are distancing yourself from yourself, as they come from the same source. Get it? Focus on love, not on judgement.
7. That you don't understand something, doesn't make it bad
We often choose to judge someones lifestyle or way of life because we don't understand it. That is where a lot of cultural clashes come from, people not trying and willing to understand why people are doing certain things, only focussing on what makes them differ from one another. Try being open to seeing their way of living, that you don't live that way doesn't make it a bad way of living.
8. You don't know what they're going through
You have no idea what someone is going through. If, for example, your classmate is distant and doesn't really interact with you at one point, we tend to make up stories in our head. Like I said before, don't judge them for that, don't make up a story. You don't know what that person's going through, their grandma might be sick and nearly dieing. There is always a reason behind something. You'd want them to be open towards you if you were going through the same thing.
When you judge others, the judgement says something about yourself
"Huh, but you just said don't judge, but you can have an opinion? I don't get it."
Yes, let me explain. When someone does something you don't understand and you judge it straight away and leave it with that, that's judgement.
An opinion is different: When someone does something, you will notice that you will judge (that is normal, our survival mechanism is always going strong). What you can then do is examine that judgement, where does it come from and what does it say about you? It probably says something about your values. Maybe someone was shouting really loudly on the streets. You thought 'That is anti-social'. That's a judgement. So from then onwards you can examine this judgement, what does it say about you? It probably says that you value peace and quiet. It doesn't say anything about the person yelling on the streets. From that you can form an opinion: I don't think yelling on the streets is the best thing to do. Therefor, you won't be yelling on the streets, but you can't stop others from yelling. Accept it and when it happens, don't judge others for doing it differently than you. You don't have to get triggered by people yelling anymore.
The basis is to love yourself
When you love yourself, you don't have to judge others as much. As I said at the beginning of the blog is that we often gossip to feel better about ourselves. What if you start by feeling better about yourself? Then you don't have to gossip and judge as much. When you're content with yourself, when you even love yourself, you can look at others with a more open attitude. It's all based in self love and confidence. There is no need to judge others, when you don't judge yourself.
This all doesn't mean that I don't judge! I'm no Jesus. We all judge, all we can do is become aware of it and change the habits we have created around it.
I hope this has helped you understand why we shouldn't judge others. Let me know if you liked it and please share!
Love Meghan xx