Have you always had the feeling that you can't be yourself around others? Are you afraid of being yourself, afraid of being judged for who you are?
I've recently come to the discovery, that being myself is actually one of the best things to do. Why? I will explain to you in this blogpost.
I've always felt like I was different from the rest of the world. My interests lie in different places than in that of many others.
I don't want to live a life that is conform to what society says it should be. I want to live my life the way I want to live it. But I was always afraid of doing so. I was afraid of being judged, not being liked. I was, and still am sometimes, a 'love junk', always wanting to be liked for who I was. I would go through lengths to please people, try to adjust myself to the life I thought others wanted me to live, to be perfect so that others would like me. But that doesn't work because I'm not true to who I am. I am not being true to who I am supposed to be and what I am coming here to do on this planet.
It's comfortable though, to do what others want. It's easy, because others like me and I don't have to face confrontations and weird looks when I am being authentically myself and true to myself. But I discovered I couldn't go on like this forever.
I had a confrontation with someone a couple of weeks ago and I noticed that my ego popped up big time. It said to me that I should do my best for that person even more, I should work harder. All I could think about was pleasing this person more and more, just to be liked. But why do that if I can't make mistakes around that person, or be myself around that person? Why give so much of my energy to someone who doesn't treat me the way I want to be treated? It's such a waste of my life!! That's why I'm here to share, why you should be yourself. Coming to join me on this rolar coaster ride?
Why you should be yourself
Why should you be yourself and go and follow your dreams? Here's why.
If you always do what others want from you, instead of what you want to do for yourself and for the world, you will burn yourself up. You're constantly pushing away that voice that's inside you telling you that this is not who you're supposed to be and this is not what you're supposed to be doing. You're always going to be locked up in a life that is not going to make you happy.
You came to this planet for a reason, I'm completely convinced of that. We are all here, bringing special gifts to this world. When we do what others want us to do, we are not only not being true to ourselves, but we are also depriving the world of the gift that we have to share. You might be thinking, gift? What gift do I have? I don't have any special gifts! Well, you're wrong. You have an enormous amount of special gifts, you just don't realize it because those gifts come so naturally to you. You might, for example, always be the one person that people come to when they have problems. You are great at giving advice and at mediating between people's problems. You just haven't realized yet that you poses this talent because it comes so natural to you. Others might not be that good at it, but you think others are because you are good at it, so it must be normal. But, your parents have always wanted you to become an accountant, so that's what you've become, but you actually hate it. It's also comfortable to stay in that world because you know it.
Being yourself makes you happier. It might come at a cost, people might not like who you are and what you are doing, but you are happier and you make the world a better place. Why wouldn't you do it?
Being somebody you're not will never pay off. Only being you is going to pay off. People around you can feel if you're authentic or not, so just be you. It will only pay off in the good way.
You can't please everybody. It's just not possible. The most important person to please is you, you have to please yourself. Why please others over your own happiness and health? It's not worth it.
You don't know what other people want. You might think doing something is pleasing someone else, but you never know that for sure unless they've actually told you so. And if they have told you so and you don't want it, why would you do it? Be true to yourself.
The right people that you do want around you will love and respect you more for who you truely are. You might get haters, but you'll also get people who love you and support you for you being you. How awesome is that?
You have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday. Can you look at yourself for the rest of your life knowing that you aren't being true to who you are? Nope, didn't think so.
You might think, it's easier to stay where you're at, but when you do so, you deprive the world of your talents and you deprive yourself of your own happiness. Is it really worth it to be someone who you're not, just so other people like you and because it's comfortable where you are? I don't think so.
Why are you afraid of being yourself?
You are too different than the rest. You feel like you'll be judged and people won't like you anymore. Well, guess what, a study has shown that there is no reason to be afraid of that. Why? Well, the study has show that 30% of the people you know, like you. 30% of the people you know don't really have any feelings or judgements towards you and 30% of the people you know don't like you or have 'bad' judgements towards you. So, now you know that, you will encounter people that don't like you for sure, you can move on with your life. People are going to judge you whatever you do and whoever you are, so why not be yourself in the proces? It's much easier as you don't have to wear that heavy mask with someone else's face on it everyday.
You might lose loved ones or friends over the process. This is natural. I've lost friends over the years. The people who really love and care about you will support you in who you are and what you want to do. That doesn't mean they don't want to protect you though. Every time I jump into something new, Ross is extremely protective and will find all sorts of reasons on why I shouldn't do it. But I will do most of it nevertheless, because by trying things you will know if it was meant for you or not. But, people who want you to change and who are pushing you in a direction you don't want to go into, are people you want to stay clear of. Sometimes that means letting go of people you care about.
You might lose a job or not be welcome somewhere anymore. Well, if you're not welcome there, why would you want to go there? Only there where you're really welcome for being who you are, is where you're supposed to be. Don't go and try to change a place or people to like you if they're not open to it. It's just a waste of time.
So, how can I be myself around others?
As a first I want you to remember that it's a process. It won't happen overnight. It might take you a year to be more comfortable around others being yourself, it might take 10 years. Be patient, don't be hard on yourself, give yourself time.
Start with small changes if that feels good for you. Some people like to go full in and change straight away, but that might not work for you. So take small steps if that works better for you! Change your clothing style in small steps for example, by changing the shirts you wear instead of changing your whole outfit in one go. You might get comments, but that was expected. People don't like change, so you're going to get comments anyway. By doing it in small steps, people get used to you becoming yourself and that makes the proces go more gradually.
Tell people that you are trying to become yourself a bit more and why you are changing certain things in your life. Be open and honest about it and explain why you are doing it. If you explain that you want to become happier, why would anybody stop you?
Post about it on social media if you feel comfortable with doing this. This is part of the honesty. You might actually find more people who are going through the same by sharing what you're going through!
Do it together with a friend and share your experiences! By doing it together you can support each other in what you're doing.
If people don't support you, let them go. Your happiness is the most important! If people can't support you for who you really are, they're not worth your time and life. You only live once!
All of this takes a hell of a lot of courage. I didn't say that it was going to be easy, but it will be worth it in the end!